The One With Chasing Cars

They say, happiness is a prayer of a selfish child, yet I can not help but to think only for own self.  The rage that I have felt these past few weeks makes me not knowing what I am capable of anymore. This situation has turned me into a bitter hate person, though I do not like her, I just do not know how to stop her.

Words from the broken can be extremely isolating…the feeling of helplessness, hopelessness and worthlessness….

You know that feeling…

When you are just waiting and hoping…

That feeling of both relief and desperation…

Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either…

And you are just tired, tired of everything, tired of nothing, tired of being not good enough…

And you just want someone to be there and tell you it is okay…

To feel the sincerity…the warmth…the kiss…

But it hits you, no one is going to be there…

And you know you have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you…

But you are tired of waiting, tired of hoping, tired to be strong, tired of having to be the one to fix yourself…

And for once, you just want it to be easy, to be simple…

But you know it would not be…

And yes, my own mind scares me sometimes…

Because every time I close my eyes, I can only see dark paradise…

Because at the end of the day, all we really have is ourselves, and nothing in this world can make you feel more alone than that…

Because we all have stories that we will never tell…

A friend asked me one day, why lately your blog is depressing…

Because now, every day I get up and pretend I am okay and that nothing is wrong…

It is my mask, so that no one really knows how I feel…

Because I am too scared to tell…

The friend continued…

But this is not you…

You are the happiest person I have ever known…

You always laugh…you always make me laugh…

You always smile…

You always joke around…

You always look like having a great time…

I responded, if only they knew the truth, what she keeps all inside…

As a child, I was taught to pray, I was told he listens…

So please Lord, with Your tender mercy…

Almighty God, my Eternal Father…

The Creator of Heaven and Earth and of all living things, and not…

Again, I thank You, for the blessings and graces You have given me this day…

I entrust to Your Protection…

From the fullness of my soul,  I adore You…

I am deeply grateful that You have made me…

And that You ever hold me in Your loving embrace…

Direct me to love You with all my heart, with all my soul and with my whole mind…

I run to you, Lord, for protection…

Do not disappoint me, You do what is right…

So come to my rescue…

Listen to my prayer and keep me safe…

Be my mighty rock, the place where I can always run for protection…

Come save me Lord…

I depend on you, and I have trusted you…

Come save me Lord…

You are my mighty protector…

Do not throw me aside…

Do not desert me when my strength is gone…

Come closer, God…

Please hurry and help, as my strength is getting weaker and weaker…

Your power to save, please be kind…

Please bring me up from the suffering…

Take my sorrow away…

Blessed me Lord, for I have sinned…

Because I am feeling sick again, like how I used to be…

I just do not know if I can do it again…

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference…

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace, taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it…

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will…

I need Your grace…

To remind me…

To find my own…

Show me a garden that is bursting into life…

Amen.

Till I blog again

There’s a secret garden, she hides

~Nani Mansor~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Facebook


iPod

VISITORS

free counters

Instagram

Follow me on Instagram
 
Page 4 of 45« First...23456...102030...Last »